1000 Pillows

The Love Story Continues…Friday: Have you ever eaten so much that your stomach looks like it is three months pregnant? I stood in Joel’s bathroom and was caught off guard by how huge my belly looked this morning. I was bloated from days of feasting and I had yet another dinner planned for this evening that included John. I had to get over this quickly so that I could fit into my cute dress. This Girl was in need of a remedy STAT!

I quickly bolted to Joel’s kitchen to whip together an old family remedy to get myself back to normal. I took a lemon, boiled some water, found some honey, a little cayenne pepper and some fresh ginger….Mixed them all together to make the perfect witches brew. For as much as I love to eat, I have always had an unhappy stomach and digestive tract so my mom used to come up with concoctions that she would get from health books to ease my pains. Down the hatch!

I had a laundry list of items that needed my attention today. I had to pack, arrange for my airplane tickets to Boston, wrap things up in LA and just get my thoughts together before tomorrow morning’s flight. I also had to look cute this evening because it would be my last night in LA and the first time John and I would be together on a triple date…that he had no idea of yet. John and I had spent two weeks working together and surrounded with people. We were never alone together and dinner tonight would not be different. I would have loved to spend this evening alone with him, but there were so many other people that I needed to also see before I left LA in the morning. It was my way of life…always surrounded by people.

Joel made the dinner reservations for 7pm at Firefly on Ventura, a great little bar/restaurant with wonderful ambiance and fabulously rich food. Although, I was not really looking forward to a big meal, I was looking forward to an evening of conversation with old friends and great wine. As dinner time approached I found myself with a new feeling in my stomach. Butterflies!

As I put my little black dress on and a pair of shinny patent Guess heels, my outlook on the whole evening started to change. It hit me that this was my last night in LA. I was going to leave this beautiful city once again and return to the harsh reality of life with my extended family in Chicago and another job in another town. I came to LA three weeks ago for a mental and emotional break from all the sadness, the uncertainty and the lack of direction and would be leaving tomorrow with a whole new sense of direction.

Joel and I grabbed our jackets and headed out the door for dinner. During our ride Joel turned to me at a stop sign and said, “I think you have opened a new door by coming out here and I want you to know that I am always here for you.” His words warmed my soul. He is like a brother to me and in that moment I new that something shifted. Just like his manual Honda sometimes would get stuck in 1st gear so was I for a long time and suddenly I wasn’t stuck anymore and tonight would be my final farewell to what was and a celebration of what William Ernest Henley poetically wrote, “What is to come.”

Joel opened the door to the Firefly and it glowed …The lighting was dim and candles lit the way to our table. There was a plethora of LA’s finest dressed in designer must haves checking us out with empty stares as we passed the bar. This was nothing new to me; being single in Chicago teaches a girl how to walk into a bar and read as you are being read. However, this was different in one way, John would be waiting at the table and I was not interested in anything else. I could see my friends and my cousin Ben gathered and waiting for our arrival. I approached the table and immediately started the frenzy of hugs and kisses. It was a beautiful moment of welcoming that always warms me. John stood quietly waiting for me to get to him. I paused in front of him and smiled…It took me a second or two to take in what I felt and how he looked before I moved forward to hug him. He whispered “I was hoping to have dinner alone with you, but since we can’t, I figured at least you could sit next to me.” I nodded yes as he pulled out the chair for me to sit down.

I introduced John to the people at the table and explained briefly who he was and how we came to meet. John talked a little bit about the cooking show and all of the beautiful places we were able to visit in Sonoma. He described the morning sunrises in the vineyards and the wine crush, and all the complications that came with a TV production. As he talked I just stared at him. Nothing he said was staying in my head, all I could think about was kissing him. I can’t remember when, but at some point a waiter approached the table to ask what we wanted to drink and when the waiter stopped to ask me, John chimed in, “Could you please bring us a bottle of your Syrah?” I learned to drink Syrah when we were on the road in Sonoma and the fact that he paid attention to what had become my favorite brand was noteworthy itself. John also suggested some things on the menu that HE thought I might like. Even the few women who were sitting next to us enjoyed John’s thought process of ordering what he thought best from the menu. What I would discover that evening is that John spent every Sunday for seven years working in Chicago’s Le Francais restaurant. How does the saying go, “What the fool seeks in others, the wise-man finds in himself.”

My girlfriend pinched me under the table as the dessert course came and gave me the look. You know the look your BFF gives you when she knows something is up and wants the scoop. Well, I was still processing it all. Watching him move, eat and just talk held me captive in my own head. “Not good, snap out of it!” I reminded myself as I licked my spoon dry of Chocolate Pot De Crème. What kind of magic lust juju was I under? I had to get a grip of myself and pronto. I excused myself from the table to go to the restroom for a moment of clarity, although that was quickly interrupted by my girlfriend who immediately followed behind me. “Ok spill…What the heck is going on out there?” She said with her eyes shifting back and forth as she squinted, waiting intently for my answer. “Nothing, I said shaking my head in disapproval of the question.” “We just met and we are getting to know one another and that is all!” “Frances, I know you and you look like a dear all doe eyed!” “Alright,” I said, “I might be a little intrigued, but what’s the difference…I leave tomorrow and I will be living in Boston for four months. It’s not like I’d be living in Los Angeles and John in Malibu so that we could date!” “I will be 3000 miles away!” My girlfriend was relentless. “So what Frances. Stop thinking about distance. You never know what can happen. Have you kissed him yet?” “Yes” I said. “But don’t say anything to anyone right now, OK! I am just not ready to deal with all of this.” Can I just enjoy tonight!?” Before she could answer, my cousin Ben walked into the restroom. Co-ed bathrooms are always a little hard to take the first couple times round for a Midwestern Girl. At first I thought I made a mistake and had entered the men’s room, but then I notice a woman coming out of a different stall. Only in LA. Ben was equally disturbed at the situation. So we all just giggled and went about our business.

When I returned to the table we ordered another bottle of wine and everyone just drank and continued multiple conversations. I took some time to catch up with Ben and in between conversations John and I just focused on each other. As the night grew late and the waiter tallied our bill, I said my final goodbyes to all of my friends and family. Joel and I exchanged a look. I signaled to him to give me a few minutes. John asked if he could drive me to Joel’s and I agreed. I just wanted a little bit more time with him.

John had parked a couple blocks from the bar so we walked up the hill on the dark street and when we reached the car I was a bit out of breath. Again, my Midwestern roots were showing. Being from Chicago, I just wasn’t used to these hills of LA! “I guess I am a little out of shape.” I said. Embarrassed by my heavy breathing, I pointed to the car door and John opened it so that we could sit down. He made a comment about one thing or another and I started to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach again of nervousness. I wish there was a witches brew for that. “I leave for Boston this week…I said softly as I looked in his direction. John came close and I moved in closer. We were locked eye to eye, I could feel his breath on my lips and before I could even close my eyes, he kissed me. I kissed back, but my eyes would not close. I have never done that before. There I was lip locked with John and looking at him, the car, and the mountains. It was as if I did not want to miss this moment and everything that surrounded us. I tried to close my eyes, but it didn’t work. This must mean something, I thought in my head. At one point John opened his eyes and then I closed mine tight. I could feel him smile. I eventually relaxed and let go. We spent an hour together in his car, talking and kissing and just goofing around. At some point we both realized it was getting very late and he drove me to Joel’s place. We had come a long way since Sonoma and I knew that this new found affection we shared started a spark in me that was not going to go away.

John got out of the car to open my door and we shared another moment. I didn’t want to leave him, but as I pulled away I said, “You know, if you are ever in Boston you should come visit me.” He just looked at me and said, “We will keep in touch.”

John waited in the driveway for me to get safely to Joel’s apartment. I waived goodbye and he got in his car and drove away. I hate goodbyes…They just make me feel empty. This time it made me feel like I lost something.

Joel was in bed, but waiting up like an overbearing father. “I thought you were not going to come back here tonight…I was worried.” I’m fine.” I said. “…and for the record, John is a gentleman and would not have had it any other way.” Joel continued, even though I didn’t want him to. “Good. But you look disappointed.” I plopped myself on the couch and held my head in my hands. I said, “I’m worried.” Then I found myself not wanting to continue…“I hope I see him again…”

For the complete love story please visit the Love Story page.
More to come next week…