1000 Pillows

This cotton fabric pillow is 16×16 in size and has a zipper for easy removal. The donation for the pillow is $25. Thank you for supporting our wedding dream!

Love story continues… Because I let go and just went with what the universe offered, I started a new journey. I had no intentions of doing anything, but visit a friend going back now three weeks ago. This day was the last day we would be spending in Northern California filming the golf and gourmet show for PBS. Everyone was wrapping up to head back to LA. Being a part of this film crew was a wonderful opportunity.

Not often, are we given a chance to really open our eyes and look outside of our comfort or our pain long enough to realize whether or not what we are experiencing is allowing us to grow or stay stagnant. This trip to California allowed me that opportunity and helped me realize that I was stagnant for a long time and now I needed to grow. My eyes were open, my heart and my mind had shifted. This unexpected journey allowed me to let go of the past.

As I packed my last article of clothing, it occurred to me that I needed to figure out what to do about John. Being in wine country is so intoxicating I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling for John was an affect of the romantic settings or a new infatuation. I tried telling myself that kissing a guy doesn’t mean you instantly have a connection or that you should pursue anything further, just because he makes you feel weak in the knees.

Joel was quiet this morning. While we packed the car, we discussed looking forward to going back home. When we arrived at the coffee house Jan was waiting to talk to me. She pulled me aside and asked me if I wanted to stay in Sonoma as her guest for the weekend. There were a few events that she was going to attend with her husband and John and thought that I would enjoy tagging along. Ordinarily I would have jumped at the chance to stay, but that would mean I would be spending a lot more time with John and I just was not ready for that. I had to turn down Jan’s offer, which pained me because I knew we all would have had a great time together.

I did my rounds and said my goodbyes to the crew and left the best for last… As John walked over to me I realized how much I enjoyed all of our talks and silly playfulness throughout the filming of the show. It was nice to see him waiting for me in the mornings at the coffee shop and sharing our thoughts about the headlines or where we were going next to shoot. I also enjoyed the way he made me feel, excited and slightly unsure. We spoke briefly and all the while he tried to convince me to stay through the weekend. I told John that I had to get back to reality. We agreed to touch base once he got back to LA. We hugged each other goodbye and he promised to call.

Joel and I got into the van and I could not help, but feel a little remorse about not staying for the weekend. Joel did not leave any room for my thoughts because he immediately started to discuss the long drive back to LA, and what we had to do between here and there. The key went into the ignition and before I knew it, I was waving goodbye to everyone and listening to Joel ramble on and on, while watching John get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror.

It took us eight hours to drive back to LA and by the time we returned the car and the equipment we were exhausted and starving. We stopped at Carnival near Joel’s place to grab some kabobs. I am half Assyrian and half Italian so a good kabob or pasta is always a welcome meal. I picked up our food and stopped at a grocery store for a few things and while in line I saw the cutest teddy bear. I used to decorate my bed with stuffed animals until I was in my late 20’s. I had so many on my bed that it took me five minutes to put them on and take then off daily. My mom would complain about this ridiculous ritual and begged me to donate the collection before I scare away any potential love interest. I eventually, reluctantly, gave them away. I just couldn’t resist this one…

We were on the road for 10 days and the thought of not having to get up at the crack of dawn was nice, however I already missed the luxury of the big queen beds and feather down comforters from the array of B&B’s we stayed at. Joel’s couch was not the best consolation prize. While Joel took a shower I unpacked some of my things and called home to check on my mom and my nephews and niece. I had been away for three weeks and I could hear the anxiousness in my mother’s voice. We caught up on all of the crazy madness that surrounds my mother’s daily life and talked about my nana’s mishaps. Nana is an angel on earth, however in her old age she has developed Dementia among the many other ailments she suffers from. Nana gives us something to talk about every day. On this particular day, Nana heard the doorbell ring and the Fed-X delivery guy who delivered a package to the door received a nice package himself, my Nana completely naked answering the door. My mom was in the basement getting the laundry and when she came up to answer the door she was mortified to find the delivery guy trying to put a robe on Nana before he could get her signature. I could only imagine what other things Fed-X delivery folks witness on the job. My mother and I giggled at the thought and said our good nights.

I went to grab Teddy out of the grocery bag to bring him to the couch when Joel saw him and freaked out. Joel has allergies and is a bit of a germaphobe so before I knew it, he pulled out a can of Lysol and started to spray Teddy and me down. I screamed, “What the heck are you doing!” Joel spraying away replied, “Where did you get that Bear, if he was in the store than he is full of dust and dirty.” I can’t have him in this apartment, unless he is clean.” I have never witnessed anything like this so I was a bit taken aback. I mean how dirty can a teddy bear be. Yikes! He sprayed away showering me and the bear so much that I started to cough and screamed, “Enough!” He apologized, turned on his humidifier and said goodnight.

Slightly traumatized I covered me & my fresh scented Teddy and went to bed thinking that Sonoma was a gift and today was bitter sweet because I found myself falling more in love with California and knowing that I had nothing to look forward to in Chicago. I was between jobs, recently ended a long term relationship and dealing with the hardships of figuring out the looming question of, “What was next?”

More to come next week…