1000 Pillows

The Love story continues…Chasing sunsets can be very inspiring. The sun setting has a whole energy of its own. Like a powerful meditation that ends with a burst of light before a new breath turns into a deep sigh. It is the fast approaching end of a day and the reminder of the gift that a new Beginning awaits.

John and I chased the sunset up to the highest peak of the mountain to make sure the crew that was following behind us would have a great shot before it set. Once we found the perfect spot, we got out and walked to the peak where the sun looked bigger than I have ever seen it. The color of the sky was full of the most amazing hues. I felt like I had found another dimension where heaven and earth tease you. We spent a little time admiring the beauty together, but I think John realized I was having a moment and left me to make sure the crew was on their way.

I was glad for the time alone and the sunset that followed. I was standing there, and at first heard nothing, but the wind blowing in the trees. I saw a bird sitting in the distance. It was as if I was led to this place. To be still. There, in the few moments before day turned into night I heard my brother’s voice. “Let go, my dear sister.” Since Americo’s death, I had been waiting for a sign, for something that would let me know he was OK. I have heard stories from people who have lost family members who say that they would experience some sort of phenomenon in the years after their loved ones had passed on. I guess this was mine. I heard it again “Let go, my dear sister, let go,” and with that slight whisper that amplified in my soul, I could feel the anger leave my body. I had been living my days holding on to the why’s and bitter anger about his death. I began to cry from deep within, and knew that from this point on I needed to go on with my life because he would have wanted me to.

There is nothing more awakening than understanding just how short life is. Within a blink of an eye everything can change. To my regret I will never get my brother back. In his honor and because of that moment, I promised myself to live my life to the fullest with each sunset.

Joel found me at the peak and immediately started talking about how amazing the sunset was and how he loved the drive up. He said other things that I just can’t remember because I was not mentally there. I was still trying to digest what I just experienced. At some point I remember hearing John’s voice and it was like I woke up. John was calling out to us and asked me to take pictures. I was the only one with a digital camera that evening so I started taking pictures of the crew and area shots that could later be included in the show. Joel offered to take a picture of John and I. John came close to me, put his arm around my waist and as I looked towards the camera for the picture, I noticed he turned to face me. As you can see in the photo John didn’t look into the camera because he was too busy smelling my hair…and as I would learn later, just wanted to be close to me. He knew.

Later that evening we ended up at a Chinese restaurant where we all shared a beautiful dinner. Each dish was presented with vegetable art. It was almost too pretty to eat. We all had a wonderful time, winding down from the day. This was the last dinner we would have together as a group. At one point we got so loud that the Chef himself came out to see what the ruckus was about. We charmed him so much that he began to partake in our festivities.

After dinner, we went to a pub for drinks and as the night grew late we started to talk about our accommodations. Joel and I had to check into the Best Western and give up our B&B. John said that there was something not right about him sleeping in a plush room at a historic home, on sheets that had more thread count than mine would so he offered to switch with me. At first, I didn’t feel right about taking him up on the offer, but he sold me on the fact that Joel and I would not have to share a bed. I did not tell Joel yet because I wanted to see the room first. John and I slipped away and drove off to the historic house.

When we arrived at the B&B I saw Jan’s car sitting in the driveway and realized that she and her husband were staying there as well. The idea of her seeing me there in the morning instead of John just made me uncomfortable. I argued my point with John to go back to the Best Western before I ever even saw the room. John, of course argued his reasons why I should not be so worried about such a small gesture. We spat back and forth until he knew there was no chance of convincing me otherwise. We walked back to my side of the car to open the door and it was then that we had a moment. He said, “You know…you would really love staying here. I don’t need such a delicate room.” I looked straight into his green eyes and the next thing I knew he grabbed me, pulled me close and kissed me. I remember thinking I should stop, this is the boss’s right hand guy and I am making out with him while she is sleeping in the house 50 feet from us. I couldn’t help myself ! We kissed for a long time and at some point I remember coming up for air to say, “We should get back to the Best Western because…Joel will wonder where I am!”